|| drained and fallen through
Sitting up again thinking about you. I miis you, even when I think I might just hate you. Even then, that's only because I miss you.
Even when things were really bad, or painful, it was still better with you here.
I have your picture out again. It's almost a shrine, a little temple in uniform at the head of my bed, resting on a satin pillow. Or cotton, I can't remember.
I look up at it when I wake up at night because the bed is still empty, and even with all the pillows, and all the comfortors it's still not comfortable as it was before. That's why I find myself calling you at 2Am just to leave a message...it's as close as I can get to you.
I'm watching more clips and newspieces, about all the soldiers, all the deaths. I just heard the new announcement...they think we'll be in Iraq for at least ten years. The Marines are coming home, the fight will end, but you know who gets to go stay there for the next ten, the good ole boys, the Army. I try to talk to Ruth, she thinks she knows what's going on. But I can't, when I tell her things like this, all she has to say is "I told you so." She did, I guess...
So I heard that and now I just can't sleep. Don't worry about me, like I know you are...just worry about you, keep your nose clean.
I'm supposed to go to the school tomorrow, see E and Immytay, but I don't think I'm gonna be able to make it, I won't get any sleep. I'll just stay at home and wait for you to call, like always. I'm glad you got the new phone. I'm feeling alot less crazy, now that I can get ahold of you when or if I really need to. I was calling couple nights ago, the time i didn't sound very well; I had a bad dream, to say the least of it. I turned over liek always and tried to shake you awake for a hug, a little snuggle until I could sleep again, and then I realized it was just the pillow, not you. Too bad, woulda been nice to have you steal all the covers again...it's odd to wake up actually covered and overly warm.
I've been playing a whole lot of the guitar lately...my sister is fond of singing over and over something about "the girl with her own soundtrack", because at all hours of the day, she's woken up to chords and hammers. She doesn't mind, though...she went through this with Jose, though not as bad...she saw him every few weeks. My parents paid for all her trips.
I'm saving up a bit of money now, other than the cash going into the account. I'm buying a mic and some equipment, and I;m turning our garage into a mini studio. I have all my days free now...It'll run me about 80 bucks, but it's worth it. If I can wait until Christmas, maybe I'll get enough cash to start paying. Yay! Piss off the neighbors with the noise from the basement...
Enough for now...I'm gonna go read and see if I can tire out and sleep.
Lots of kisses,
and nakie pictures when I can get them developed,